Recollections of the Past

SLAM.

The sound of the two massive doors coming to a close echoed in the empty space surrounding a confused blond boy.

“Where… am I…” he murmured to himself, turning away from the vanishing doors to walk through a wall of mist. Everything around him was dead quiet, and not even the slightest of noises could be heard. The only thing that the boy could hear was the sound of his own rapid heart beating in its cage. 

He came to a halt as he set foot in a small puddle, which rippled into a large spring just a few yards ahead of him. The mist suddenly cleared and he was surrounded by rolling hills and scattered trees- a slight breeze ruffling his golden hair. The aroma of grass and daisies filled the air, and the blond recognized what he had known as his home for so long in a heartbeat. “Risembool…” he sighed as he walked up to the pool in front of him and peered into it.

To his shock, he did not see his own reflection staring back at him, but that of his mother, Trisha- smiling back at him with soft eyes. He sunk to his knees and managed a small smile as he stared at his mother’s image. “M… mom…” he whimpered.

“Hi, Edward,” the reflection replied with a smile. Upon hearing his mother’s voice, a tear slipped out of the corner of his eye and dropped into the water, sending a large ripple that reached the edge of the spring.

The image then changed. His mother's smiling form rippled out of existence and was replaced with the horrific image of a pile of organs and bones and a mangled human shape- a bloody arm desperately reaching out to him.

“You did this to me,” it spat in a raspy, zombie-like voice- reverberated inside the blond’s mind. He screamed and leapt back in horror as the image rose from the water and crawled towards him, the creature laughing monotonously and coughing bits of blood that hung heavily on his heels as he took of running along the dirt path.

But, to his surprise, the dirt path quickly materialized to a path cement.

A sidewalk.

He looked up through blurry eyes to see that his surroundings had changed to those of Central City, harsh wind pelting him with cold, hard rain. Edward threw on his hood and dashed through the streets in a desperate attempt to find shelter, rounding a corner into a tight alleyway.

However, he was not alone. 

A flash of white illuminated the wall in front of him, drawing his attention toward the source of light. He cocked his head to the side, confused as he saw the image of a small, doglike creature.

 A ghost?

It stared back at him with wide, blank eyes- it’s long, chestnut hair dragging along as it sluggishly made its way towards Edward. “Big brother…” it grumbled in a sad voice. “Please play with me… you promised you’d play with me….”

“N-Nina…” Edward breathed, a sickening lump rising in his throat. He reached a foot out to take a step towards the creature when there was a huge explosion in front of him, an Ishvalan man stepping through a gaping hole in the wall. The man didn't even acknowledge the blond's presence and instead knelt down in front of the chimera, beginning to stroke it’s head with pity.

“It truly is a shame that it had to come to this,” the man said as his hand stopped on the crown of the creature’s head. "May your soul be free."

The man's arm began to glow red, and upon realization of what was happening, Edward screamed. “No… stop! STOP!!” he shrieked, hurling himself at the man in a desperate attempt to save the poor creature.

But it was too late.

The chimera’s head combusted into chunks of blood and tissue which splattered on the wall behind, creating a bloody scene that was just all too real to be a hallucination.

“NINA!” He screamed with agony, hot tears flooding his eyes as he turned around and sprinted out of the alleyway- pushing past people and running as fast as he could down the streets. His mind was racing as he ran past familiar faces- faces of the dead and faces of the people he had once loved. He screamed again and sprinted even faster.

He just had to get away...

Had to get away.

HAD TO GET AWAY.

Edward flew past the buildings of central, past his home in Risembool, past the Tuckers', and past what was now a warzone in Liore. He had known these places all-too well, for they were places to where his greatest regrets had been set in stone. As he ran it seemed as if he was racing against time itself, desperate to set back the clock to fix the mistakes that he had made- and desperate to see those faces he had known once again.

But, like all attempts he had ever made, his efforts were fruitless.

He came to the edge of what seemed like nothingness, the streets and the faces and the world all fading away. His breath was heavy and his eyes were filled with misery as he stared out into the blank white space in front of him- lost, confused, and undoubtedly hopeless. He found himself standing at the edge of a cliff and, for a moment, considered jumping into it. All he had to do was allow himself to fall...to break free from his miserable life... but he just couldn’t. Couldn’t bring himself to do it.

…But why?

 As usual, he didn't know.

When all seemed lost, a delicate hand rested itself on his shoulder. “You want to jump, brother?” came a small voice from behind him, and he whipped around to see Alphonse, a human Alphonse, standing there behind him. “Is that what you really want?”

“Al…” Edward gasped, falling to his knees and shaking his head. "N-no... no... it's not..."

"No?" he asked, tipping his head to the side. "Why not?"

The blond hid his face in his hands, his weak form beginning to tremble as tears slipped out of his eyes. "B-because I..." He trailed off. "I don't know..."

"It't okay, brother. It's okay to jump," Alphonse replied in a gentle voice. "Just let go."

Edward sobbed and shook his head. “I… I'm sorry... I just... can’t…”

“Sure you can," he replied, a strangely eerie smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You have nothing to live for anymore. And besides, you’re the reason we are all dead."

“But you’re not…”

“Oh but I am, brother. I am dead because of you, as are the rest of us. You killed your own family.”

Edward gasped. "How did I..." he whimpered, his trembling now uncontrollable.

"You messed up, Ed. Countless times," he replied with another strange smile.  "You messed up. Which is why you should let yourself fall- be free from this world and just fade from existence. No one will mourn you, and no one will care." 

“But I just… can’t jump…” Edward choked.

 “But why not?” Alphonse asked again. Only this time it wasn't Alphonse. “Why not just die…”

 Something pierced him in the back.

When turned his head, a homunculus was smiling cruelly back at him, insanity in his eyes as he lifted an impaled Edward off the ground.

Envy.

“DIE!” it screamed as it tossed him down into the black abyss, sending him hurtling towards the ground beneath. Towards his death. Towards the end.

Edward relaxed and let himself fall with grace, feeling suddenly content with his fate and relieved that everything- all his misery, his pain- was to end. The air rushed against his back and cradled him in it's soft blanket, seeming to bundle him like a mummy that was soon to be locked away in a tomb yet at the same time giving him one last exhilarating wave of energy. He looked up at the sky, the white light above him seeming to both fade away and surround him at the same time as he neared the bottom of the seemingly endless fall- knowing that it would be the last glimpse of light his living self would ever see.

He smiled slightly, closing his eyes for the last time as he prepared himself for impact- letting his mind go blank and his state become peaceful. He would finally be free at last.

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

The seconds went by.

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

Nothing had happened yet.

Tick...

Tick...

Silence.

He opened his eyes in confusion, met with the same white light as before.

Tick...

Tick...

There was a hard surface beneath him.

Tick...

"Welcome back," came a voice. "I thought you'd never come."

Edward blinked, saying nothing as his eyes focused on something he thought he'd never see. A small figure was sitting in front of him, seeming to look back at him- though, through no particular eyes- with a wide, cheshire grin.

 “I see you have experienced some pretty nasty things,” it said. “Things that you probably wanted to forget.”

“I… where… who….” He finally mumbled in a mix of confusion, looking around in confusion as he was unable to find words to say. 

The figure just smiled. “I suppose you would like to know what just happened," it said, propping an arm up on it's knee. "What you just experienced was the deep depths of your mind. Your worst fears, memories, and thoughts combined into a single journey."

“But why…” he whimpered, his eyes beginning to water again as the pain and horror from before flooded back to him.

The figure tsked. “Now now, don’t do that. You clearly do not want any of this to happen, or to happen again, do you?”

“N…no…”

“Then I would suggest opening your eyes. Staying locked in there won’t do you any good.” It pointed to something behind Edward.

He turned around, a wave of realization sweeping over him as he recognized what the figure was pointing at. It was the same set of stone doors that he had been trapped behind just hours before.

It all made sense now. 

Edward stood up and shakily wiped the tears from his eyes. “I understand now,” he said with a nod as he approached the figure. “Those doors- that gate- are my mind... right?" He paused and looked down. "Lately I've been thinking a lot about my regrets and my mistakes, which I guess is why I got trapped in there... It... it almost seemed like the only way out was through death..."

The figure smiled.

"But I know what I have to do now," He looked back up with a grin. "I guess I was just too blind to see the importance of my greatest resolve."

He took a step forward.

"Standing still won't do me any good for now, so my best bet is to keep moving forward." 

"I'm taking it that you're leaving, then?" The figure jerked a thumb behind him at another set of stone doors opening. Edward nodded. “The back door’s just over there!”

He grinned and continued forward-bound pathway, a pathway that lead to the greatest light he had ever seen. He stopped and stood in the doorway, one foot already out the door. “Oh, and who… are you?” he asked, keeping his focus on the light ahead of him.

The figure chuckled. "Who am I?" It asked. "I suppose you could call me a who, but I am more of a what."

"What are you, then?" Edward asked again, still facing the light.

The 'what' laughed again. "What am I... what a question," it chuckled. "I am a lot of things. One could say I am what you call God, another could say I'm the world. Though in your case, I'm something different. I am..."

It paused for a moment, it's voice echoing as it began to fade away. "The Truth."

Edward grinned, nodding with satisfaction as he went to finish what he started. He took his final step through the vanishing door into the blinding, warm sunlight, the world he always knew appearing before him.
The world that held his life and the lives of those he loved.

The the world outside of his own self.